Cry baby
by Michi-chan2
Summary: (REPOST)What would the fellowship do if Legolas was turned into a baby?Please read and review.
1. Default Chapter

Authors note: Ok, this is the repost of my story that was deleted off coz it was nc-17 (not that I had even got that far in the story at that time, but I put it as nc17 so what could I do) for those of you that haven't read this story before please read and review

Disclaimer: Not mine, same old, same old

Warning: This has slash, you have been warned. If you don't like it, then why are you reading this? Shoo off with you! Thank you kindly -

Pairings: Guess   
  
**Cry baby**  
  
Setting: Isengard  
  
Saruman stood over his palantir, his few trusted orcs gathered around him (A/N: Not many then).  
  
"The elf must be destroyed.........or at least gotten rid of for a while" The orcs rolled their eyes behind his back.  
  
A random orc thought: "Mmmmmmmmm.......meat, I mean god this guy's a ponce"  
  
Saruman sprinkled some cheap glittery stuff on the image of the elf (i.e Legolas)  
  
"Oops, left the top off" and so saying he blew the cheap glittery stuff off and sprinkled REAL magic dust ™ on the image.  
  
"There that should do it" He turned back to his tub of ice cream and porn- mag, whistling.  
  
The orcs stood there waiting for their orders. Saruman looked at them over his ice cream and waved his hand in dismissal.  
  
"You can bugger off now, I need my privacy, ohhhhhhhhh look at the jugs on that one" He said drooling into his ice cream.  
  
The orcs gladly buggered off mumbling things about perverted old gits in the dark tongue.

* * *

Meanwhile in a wood somewhere I don't know the name of, the fellowship were resting after a days hard marching (well the hobbits were carried most of the way but that's just being picky)  
  
Legolas stretched and got ready to take first watch.  
  
"You should rest my friend," said the ranger putting his hand on the elf's shoulder. "I'll take first watch tonight"  
  
"If you insist Estel," replied the elf reluctantly.  
  
Later that night:  
  
Aragorn got up to wake Legolas for his watch only to find that he wasn't in his bedroll, he heard a baby's cry suddenly from somewhere in the trees. He woke Gimli to take over the watch while he went to investigate. The dwarf grunted and grumbled about lazy elves and stupid humans who jump at their own shadow, then sat on a log, cleaning his axe.  
  
The night was dark since clouds hid the moon and there was no wind, the eerie cry continued as he crept through the undergrowth looking for the owner.  
  
He suddenly stepped on something soft and squashy.  
  
"Ewwwwwwwww I stepped in a baby," he grimaced looking at the mess on his boot. (A/N: And before you start howling for my blood, it was an orc). After he had wiped the mess off his boot onto the grass, he started off again.  
  
After a while he spotted a faint white light shining from a bush. Inside he found a small beautiful elf child asleep in a bed of leaves.  
  
"Awwwwwww," cooed the ranger, he picked it up and carried it back to camp where he found Gimli had fallen asleep on watch.  
  
"Awwwwwww..............I mean GIMLI STOP SLEEPING ON WATCH!!" Shouted the future king waking everyone else in the process.  
  
"Muph waz iz it?" Mumbled Pippin rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.  
  
"I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes," the sleepy dwarf denied. (A/N: Sleepy....get it?)  
  
The rest of the fellowship waited for the snide remark that should of come from Legolas, but he didn't seem to be anywhere nearby.  
  
"That's strange, where is our elf prince this morning?" Asked Gandalf.  
  
"I don't know, Gandalf, I was going to wake him up for his watch, then I found this," he said holding up the baby, who was still sleeping peacefully despite all the activity going on around him.  
  
"Shouldn't we try to find him before we move on?" Asked a concerned Frodo.  
  
"No, he'll find us when he's ready, he can take care of himself," reassured Aragorn.  
  
A few hours later the fellowship packed up their belongings as well as Legolas' and started off. 2 hours later Aragorn called for a stop, the hobbits gladly settled down and Sam started to cook their 2nd breakfast. Frodo sat down by Aragorn and looked at the peacefully slumbering baby still in the ranger's arms.  
  
"What are we going to do with him, Strider?" Frodo asked, stroking the baby's soft blonde hair. He also noticed how the baby slept with his eyes closed 'shouldn't elves sleep with their eyes open?' he thought.  
  
He's attention was drawn to Aragorn as the ranger answered his question.  
  
"I don't know Frodo, the only place we can ensure his safety is Lothlorien. We'll just have to look after him as best we can until then," the ranger sighed and continued, "I wish Legolas was here, he has more experience with elf children than I do"  
  
"Does he have children?" Asked the ring bearer.  
  
"Legolas? Hell no, he's gay. Hes looked after younger siblings is what I meant"  
  
"Oh"  
  
Whatever else Frodo was going to say was cut off by a small whimper from the baby, who seemed to be waking up. Soft pale eyelashes lifted to reveal large sparkling sky blue eyes looking up at them sleepy, suddenly he started to cry, sliver tears rolled down his pale cheeks. Aragorn tried to calm the child by rocking him, the rest of the fellowship drawn by the crying came over.  
  
"What's wrong?" Asked Boromir, looking over the ranger's shoulder. The baby looked up and started to cry even harder than before and struggling in the arms that held him.  
  
"Ha ha, Boromir scares him," shouted Pippin, "here give him to me" and so saying he took the elf from Aragorn and sat him on his lap and started making faces at him. The baby took one look at this, jumped out of the hobbit's lap and crawled over to a tree, hugging it and crying his little heart out.  
  
Merry was trying to control his laughter by biting his lip.  
  
Seeing this his little cousin pouted and growled, "oh shut up Merry". He was very hurt that the baby was more scared of him than of Boromir.  
  
The tree the small elf had crawled over to was the same one that Gimli was sitting under, the dwarf looked at him with disinterest and went back to cleaning his axe. (A/N: Bloody hell, that must be the cleanest axe in middle earth¬¬;) The elf stopped crying and stared at him, sniffing, his big blue eyes shining with tears.  
  
"What're you looking at elf?" Growled the dwarf.  
  
The baby cocked his head, a bright smile appeared on his face, he crawled up to Gimli and snuggled up to his side, sucking his thumb (A/N: His own, not Gimli's yet) and fell asleep (this time with his eyes open).  
  
"Looks like he likes ya, master Gimli," said Sam looking at the small elf curled up at the dwarf's side.  
  
Gimli grumbled something in dwarfish, but made no move to remove the elf from his side.  
  
15 minutes later they were ready to start moving again, but the elf would not be removed from Gimli. Every time any of them tried to pick him up, he screamed and cried until they were forced to put him down again for the sake of all their eardrums.  
  
"Gimli, you'll have to carry him," stated Gandalf looking thoughtfully at the elf.  
  
"What? Me carry a bratty elf child?" Fumed the dwarf, scowling down at said elf child.  
  
"Yes, otherwise this quest will not be able to continue," reasoned the wizard, giving Gimli a stern look.  
  
Gimli grumbled something less than complementary in dwarfish, but picked the elf up, who immediately nestled into the soft hairs of the dwarf's beard and sighed in contentment. The dwarf rolled his eyes, but didn't remove him.

* * *

That night the elf slept curled up on Gimli's chest, face and hands buried in his beard, with the dwarf's arm wrapped around him.

* * *

The next morning Legolas was still nowhere to be found and Aragorn and Gandalf were beginning to worry for his safety.  
  
"Where could he be?" Pondered Aragorn.  
  
"Coward's probably run away," muttered Gimli, no one heard him.  
  
"I think I might know," murmured the wizard, stroking his beard.  
  
"What do you mean?" Asked the ranger.  
  
Gandalf called the rest of the fellowship to him.  
  
"I think I can solve the mystery of Legolas' disappearance," he looked at the small elf, who was still asleep in Gimli's bedroll, snuggled into the warm spot where Gimli had been laying. The others followed his gaze then looked back at him in confusion. The wizard sighed and continued.  
  
"I think that Saruman has cast a spell on Legolas and," he pointed at the baby, "that is what happened".  
  
He looked at the responses of the fellowship. Boromir, Pippin, Sam, Merry and Frodo looked shocked, while Aragorn and Gimli looked angry.  
  
"Why would he dare do such a thing?" Fumed the dwarf, the others noticed how he stood somewhat protectively in front of the sleeping elf.  
  
"Without the eyes and ears of an elf, the fellowship is greatly weakened," Gandalf explained.  
  
"How do we reverse this?" Asked Boromir who was getting tired of being screamed at every time he came into view.  
  
"Our only hope is the Lady Galadriel, so we must make haste before any evil becomes of this"  
  
End of part one  
  
M-C: Bloody hell, I didn't know I could write that much

L: We didn't know that you could make sense for that long

M-C: ¬¬ Shut up

L: Why do I have to be the baby for?

M-C: Because you're soooo cute **pinches his cheeks** .


	2. ice cream and KFC

**Part two**  
  
2 days later the fellowship found themselves outside the gates of Moria with the lake Sirannon at the side of them, dark and ominous.  
  
Gandalf tried every password he could remember off the top of his head (A/N: Must be some reason for that big hat), in every tongue there was in existence (except the black speech of course), still the gates remain shut tightly. The fellowship settled down for a loooonng wait.  
  
Legolas, who had been sleeping peacefully in Gimli's arms before, was wide- awake and watching the lake, his little elven face was troubled. Looking down at the small elf in his arms, Gimli saw this and asked, "What's wrong, little one?"  
  
Legolas whimpered and pointed to the middle of the lake.  
  
"There's nothing there but water, Legolas," reassured the dwarf.  
  
The little elf carried on pointing and whimpering, then suddenly went quiet as if waiting for something to happen.  
  
Gimli was getting very concerned now, even though he tried to hide it. "Guys, I think there's something wrong with the elf," he called to the others.  
  
"Maybe he needs his nappy changed," piped up Pippin, the elf gave the hobbit a dirty look before continuing his surveillance of the lake.  
  
"K, maybe not, maybe he wants to go for a swim," said the oh so HELPFUL Took. Legolas got a look of pure horror on his face and began to cry again.  
  
"Now look what you've done," cried out Gimli, trying to calm him by rocking him and whispering reassuring things in his pointed ear, all the while having his ear screamed in.  
  
"It was only a suggestion," sniffed the little hobbit softly and went to find Merry.

* * *

Meanwhile Frodo had had an idea (A/N: Wow, I bet that hurt).  
  
"What's the elfish word for peanut butter?" He asked the frustrated wizard, who was smoking his sixth pipe full of pipe weed.  
  
".........." Gandalf just looked at him as if he had dressed in drag and started to do the hula.  
  
"Ok, so it might not be that then," he conceded, striking a thinking pose.  
  
"What's the elfish word for friend?"  
  
"Mellon," replied the wizard, taking another drag from his pipe.  
  
The gates opened. (A/N: Waves a mini flag, looking bored Woo hoo)

* * *

Meanwhile in the swamp.....I mean Isengard, Saruman sent for his most trusted (A/N: Coughbullshitcough) orcs. And while he was waiting (A/N: Orcs can't climb stairs very fast.........also there are a hell of a lot of stairs) he was indulging in some casual reading 'Ruling the world for dummies'.  
  
The orcs finally made it and came in huffing and puffing and threatening to blow the tower down.  
  
"Muhahahahahhahahah," Saruman guffawed evilly, "Now my plan can be put into action, now the elf is small and defenceless, you," he said pointing to the orcs, "will kill him," he said before he started chuckling again and pulling his beard.

* * *

Ignoring Legolas' whimpering, the fellowship stepped through the gateway.  
  
"This isn't a mine, it's a KFC!" Cried Boromir staring at the deep-fried chicken wings and legs floating in front of his face. The others didn't see these so naturally they thought he had gone bonkers, crackers, one current short of a fruit cake, do.....well you get the idea, and ignored him.  
  
Looking around the KF.....I mean mine, Aragorn discovered dwarf bodies everywhere.  
  
"Oh dear," was all he could say.  
  
Suddenly there was a cry from Frodo, who was at the back of the company. They turned round to find Boromir trying to deep fry the ring-bearer in the lake .......oh yeah and there was a big slimy monster thingy as well.  
  
They all started to attack it. Gimli, after leaving Legolas safely behind a chicken wing.........I mean rock, started chopping at the guardian's tentacle thingys.  
  
After what seemed like oh....2 minutes, the monster was defeated and Frodo was saved from a deep fry. Boromir was tied and gagged to a pole which Aragorn and Gandalf carried.  
  
"We'll save him for roasting when our food rations get down to the crumpets," explained Gandalf. (A/N: I hate crumpets!)  
  
Gimli went back to the chic.....rock he left Legolas behind only to find he had...(A/N: Drum roll please)......**_gone_**. 

End of part two

A/N: If the there are ANY stupid spelling mistakes in this fic please ignore them...you see _sad music starts playing in the background_ i don't have a muse or a beta writer just my microsoft word spell check_sniffs_


	3. Yrchs and eyebrows

**Part three**  
  
"Durin's beard," cursed Gimli.  
  
The rest upon hearing this came to see what was wrong.  
  
"Legolas has gone," explained the dwarf, while frantically looking behind and under rocks...I mean chick...no I did meant rocks, sorry.  
  
"Not that I care of course," he said, turning around and wiping a tear from his eye (G: I had something in my eye M-C: Yeah tears).  
  
"Course not," said Merry knowingly.  
  
After a few seconds desperate searching, the fellowship all came back empty handed.  
  
"Where could he be?" Asked a teary Sam.  
  
"I don't know," said the confused wizard, "we'll just have to hope he'll come back on his own."  
  
"He's not a bloody homing pigeon!!!!!!!" Shouted Gimli.  
  
"The wings, the wings," groaned a tied up Boromir.  
  
"Ok, who ungagged him?" Asked a slightly miffed ranger.  
  
"He said he'd let me blow his horn," Pippin tried to justify. (A/N: Dirty little hobbitsssssssss M-C: GOLLUM GET OUT OF HERE!!¬¬;)  
  
"Well you can't," said Aragorn smugly, regagging Boromir, "He said I could."  
  
"Hello?! Legolas is still out there, cold, hungry, alone and did I mention cold," cried Gimli waving his arms frantically in the air.

* * *

They carried on to the tomb of some dead dwarf dude (G: IT'S BALIN M-C: K.;)....anywho a dull light shone from behind it. Gimli went round only to find Legolas looking frightened and alone.  
  
"Legolas!"  
  
The small elf looked up when he saw the dwarf, his little face brightened with a dazzling smile, the light glowing around him shone brighter and he held out his little arms to be picked up.  
  
"Where were you little one? I was looking for you everywhere," Gimli cried, picking the little elf up into his arms, kissing his cheeks. Legolas giggled and kissed Gimli on the nose before curling up and falling asleep.  
  
Fortunately for Gimli none of the fellowship saw this open show of affection.

* * *

Later on the fellowship settled down to sleep........well TRIED to, what with Legolas screaming and Gimli's desperate pleas to quiet him, they were having little trouble.  
  
"Will you shut that thing up!!!!" Roared Boromir (A/N: Ok, who ungagged him again, how many times do I have to tell you, Boromirs should be seen but not heard!)  
  
"I'm trying," growled back Gimli as he rocked Legolas back and forth.  
  
"Maybe he's hungry," piped up Merry (A/N: Pippin was too busy....well......eating)  
  
"Maybe," answered the dwarf, looking down at the screaming bundle of elf in his arms.  
  
"Are you hungry little fella?" Cooed Gimli in baby talk (A/N: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh Gimli's cracked) Legolas just stared at him in shock.  
  
"Well at least it shut him up," said Gimli trying to ignore the looks the others were giving him.  
  
"Yeah, but now he's scarred for life"  
  
"Shut up," mumbled Gimli trying to hide his blush in his beard.  
  
"Gimmie, funny," giggled Legolas.  
  
"Did.....did he just?" Stuttered Gimli pointing down at him, "Speak?"  
  
"Sounded like it," replied Gandalf.  
  
"Yrch," said the little elf while pointing at Boromir.  
  
Boromir just growled at the young elf.  
  
"Now, now Boromir, stay your hand, he doesn't know any better," reasoned Gandalf, bending down to look at Legolas.  
  
"Eyebrows, silly," giggled Legolas, while tugging on one and holding you.......let go?" Asked Gandalf, while trying desperately to break the baby elf's surprising strong grip on his eyebrow, Legolas just carried on tugging and giggling his little elven head off.  
  
Suddenly there was a horrible ripping noise and Gandalf fell back onto the floor. In Legolas' hand was one of Gandalf's eyebrows. The fellowship by this time were laughing like pack of wargs.  
  
Gandalf stood up looking rather red in the face, whether from humiliation or anger the fellowship couldn't tell.  
  
"Better be moving on," mumble the one eyebrowed wizard.  
  
Suddenly from behind them there came a crash, all of the them looked round to see Pippin standing next to a well trying to look innocent. There came another series of crashes.  
  
"You fool of a Took," roared Gandalf taking out his anger on the trembling hobbit, "next time throw yourself in and rid us of your.........," he stopped to think.  
  
"Stupidity?" Suggested Pippin.  
  
"I KNOW WHAT I MEANT!!!" Roared Gandalf, the artery in his forehead began to throb.  
  
The irate wizard was about to hit Pippin on the head with his staff when the sound of drums started.  
  
"Oh bugger," stated the Istari before running off into the opposite direction of the drums.  
  
Boromir went to see out the door, "oh great they have a deep fryer......I mean cave troll," he said sarcastically.  
  
End of part three  
  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if not the next gets better......really.

B: If you believe that you'll believe anything

M-C: I resent that remark, KFC boy

B: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ¬¬


	4. Hanging baskets

**Part four**  
  
There was a lot of running around in circles and panicking before the fellowship got ready to fight.  
  
The orcs and troll burst in through the doors.  
  
Pippin and Merry hit them over and over again on the head with their frying pans. Frodo, Aragorn and Boromir fought bravely with their swords. Sam was left with.......um lets just say he had a very big iron cooking pot.  
  
Gimli was torn between Legolas' safety and fighting. He didn't want to put the elf down just in case he decided to go for a little 'walk' about again, but with Legolas in his arms he couldn't fight.  
  
Pippin was at the back of the room and was mostly out of danger, so Gimli handed Legolas over to him, "look after him will you master Pippin?"  
  
"Sure," answered Pippin, taking Legolas from Gimli, Legolas looked distressed and tried to reach out to the dwarf, but he was too far away.  
  
"Don't worry Leggy, Gimmie will be alright," cooed the hobbit optimistically. Legolas looked up at him and for the first time he didn't scream. His eyes began to water and he hugged Pippin around the neck and buried his face in the hobbit's soft curls.  
  
Pippin got an apple out of his pocket, "want an apple?" He asked, "It always cheers me up," Legolas just shook his head, "suit yourself, more for me."  
  
An orc ran at them. Pippin didn't have his frying pan handy, so he threw the apple core. It hit the orc right between the eyes rendering it unconscious.  
  
"Cool, apples kick arse," with this Pippin went straight to work building an.......um.......catapult out of old jock straps. (A/N: A hobbit with jock straps? You say? Well they were just laying around so there :p) He pulled it back and shot another apple core (A/N: He ate the other one....ewwww that touched an orc ) at the cave troll, who just happened by some weird stroke of luck had it's mouth open.  
  
The cave troll choked to death on the apple core coz none of the orcs knew the Heimlich manoeuvre. (A/N: Plus they weren't tall enough)  
  
There was a victory feast you know all the normal after battle stuff. (Roasting orcs that kinda thing) Finally when everyone (mostly the hobbits) had stuffed themselves close to puking, Aragorn decided for them to move on and find Gandalf (A/N: The wimp) Legolas, now reunited with Gimli started to grow restless and kept peering over the dwarf's shoulder.  
  
"Stop wiggling little one, I'll drop you if you're not careful," grumbled the dwarf irritably.  
  
"Maybe NOW he needs his nappy changed," piped up pip.  
  
The dwarf started mumbling about 'over my dead body' and held Legolas at arm's length.  
  
"No change," pouted Legolas  
  
"Thank Durin," sighed a relieved Gimli  
  
"Silly Gimmie," giggled the elf, pulling one of the dwarf's beard braids lightly.  
  
"Oh, so he pulls gently with you, but with a poor old man? Nooooooooooooooooooo, yank as hard as he can, he does," came an angry voice from the shadows in front of them. Gandalf stepped out frightening the life out of poor Sam.  
  
"Yrch!" Shouted Legolas pointing at the old wizard.  
  
"Why you little...."  
  
"Gandalf, why did you leave us back there? We needed you," asked Gimli, trying to distract the wrathful wizard from Legolas, who was hiding his face in the dwarf's beard.  
  
"Ummmm.........................well I .......................................well you see..........................................uh........................................I needed to go to the bathroom," stuttered the one eyebrowed wizard.  
  
"The bathroom?" Repeated Aragorn doubtfully.  
  
"Yes, the bathroom," Gandalf nodded violently causing his hat to bob up and down.  
  
This carried on for some time until................  
  
"AI!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
They all turned round to see Legolas trembling with fright and Gimli staring in shock at something in the doorway. They looked up to see what was wrong and came eye to eye? With a..........................well lets just say it didn't look like something that anyone would take to dinner (it might have put them off their food...or they might have ended up as food).  
  
"This place is cursed, damned and yes your master is the devil, get out while you still can, from now on you are all free men, run, save yourselves," cried the Balrog (A/N: Wait a minute wrong movie, sorry, lets rewind shall we?) gorlaB eht deirc ",sevlesruoy evas, nur, nem eerf lla uoy no won morf, nac lilts uoy elihw tuo teg, lived eht si retsam ruoy sey dna denmad, desruc si ecalp sihT" (A/N: Lets start again )  
  
"It's a bullhog.......I mean Balrog!" Despaired the 2 minus 1 eyebrowed wizard.  
  
"Do you mind? The name's Bob," corrected the Balrog.  
  
"Bob?" The wizard repeated, Blackadder style.  
  
"RUN!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Aragorn from the top of the stairs.  
  
They ran..........and ran..............and ran..........and ran.............and guess what...... they ran (A/N: If you haven't guessed yet, I'm **running** out of ideas)

* * *

While the fellowship ran, Gandalf and "Bob" were having an interesting conversation about potted plants.  
  
"I always find they burn up whenever I go near them," confided "Bob".  
  
"Ah, my dear Bob, have you ever considered that this is because you are a beast made of fire and shadow?" Asked Gandalf, the one eyebrowed wizard.  
  
"You know I never actually thought of it like that before, would you like to come and see my hanging baskets?"  
  
"Sure, why not? Its not like I've got anything really pressing to do," replied the wizard, with only one eye brow (A/N: I love rubbing that in )  
  
Meanwhile outside:  
  
"Look at him, he's filthy"  
  
"Then YOU bathe him"  
  
While Aragorn, their new leader and Gimli were arguing over who would bathe Legolas, since he was covered in dirt from crawling around Moria, Merry and Pippin were bugging Sam to cook 2nd lunch.  
  
"You've had enough already," stated Sam stubbornly.  
  
"Ohhhhhh come one, we only had a few sandwiches," widled Pippin.  
  
"Not to mention the potatoes," said Sam, counting them off with his fingers," and the 4 chicken wings, 5 legs, 10 cheese orcburgers, 7 tacos, 2 orcs and the whole supply of crumpets." (A/N: My god, he must have been desperate YUCK)  
  
"It's a wonder that I'm even strong enough to walk"  
  
"It's a wonder that you can even stand up with the amount you ate"  
  
Back to Aragorn and Gimli:  
  
"Look he's just a baby, what's your problem?" Asked the ranger.  
  
"If you're so comfortable with it, you bathe him," replied the dwarf, holding Legolas out to him.  
  
Legolas looked as if he was watching a tennis match.  
  
"I have other things to do," argued Aragorn, sneaking a glance at Boromir, who was hanging around the edge of the forest.  
  
"Fine, I'll bathe the little brat, but when he's changed back again, he better not hear anything about this"  
  
"Very well," agreed Aragorn, walking towards Boromir and they both disappeared into the trees, shouting about getting more firewood. (A/N: Oooohhhh fire, pwetty, sparkly), Gimli glanced at the large pile of firewood right next to him.  
  
"I don't want to know," he mumbled, he looked down at Legolas, "come on little one, let's get you cleaned up," he started for the nearest lake. Childish screams of "no bath" could be heard.  
  
Two hours later they were all sitting around the campfire, (A/N: Not being very cautious are they? Well I suppose they have to get rid of all that firewood some how) Gimli was braiding Legolas' damp locks, while the elf sat calmly on his lap sucking his thumb.  
  
"All nice and clean," cooed Pippin  
  
"Dirty," giggled Legolas, pointing at the hobbit  
  
"I resent that remark," pouted the Took  
  
Legolas grabbed Pippin's lip and wouldn't let go.  
  
"Watch out he doesn't pull your lip off like he did with Gandalf's eyebrow," laughed Merry, Pippin gave him a look that said 'shut up or I'll tell them of the time with the carrots', that shut Merry up in no time at all.  
  
"Legolas, let go of Pippin," ordered Gimli angrily. Legolas let go and looked like a kicked puppy.  
  
"I'm sorry little one, I'm not angry," reassured the dwarf when he saw the affect his anger had on the baby. Legolas immediately brightened and went back to sucking his thumb.  
  
"Awwww, he's so cute," cooed Sam, from where he was cooking supper.  
  
Gimli just grunted in reply. The hobbits exchanged knowing looks.  
  
"Anyone know where Gandalf is?" Asked Frodo, looking worried for his old friend.  
  
The others looked around and yes the wizard wasn't there.  
  
"Strange, I never noticed," muttered Aragorn.  
  
End of part 4  
  
M-C: And he calls himself a ranger

A: Shut up

M-C: Pouts Hey I'm letting you get some in this fic aren't I?

A: But Boromir?!

M-C: Yes A: But..........BOROMIR?!

M-C: Yes Boromir, my you are good at stating the obvious aren't you

A: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ¬¬;


	5. Night masks and evil elf crones

**Part five  
**  
"We have to go back and find him," cried a distressed Frodo  
  
"What? And have to wash Legolas again? No way!" Argued Gimli. "Do you know how long it takes just to catch him?"  
  
"Anyway, these mountains will be swarming with Orcs and hanging baskets by sundown," Aragorn reasoned  
  
So they set off to Lothlorien. Gimli was giving Legolas piggyback ride, the young elf was giggling for joy and clapping his little hands together.  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT THAT THING UP!!!!!!!!!!!" Yelled Boromir, getting annoyed with the noise.  
  
Legolas stopped giggling, hugged Gimli's head like a life preserver and sobbed his little elven heart out (he does that a lot doesn't he).  
  
Gimli started to advance towards Boromir, murder in his eyes, growling with his axe raised  
  
Aragorn saw this and stepped between the two with his hands raised in a peaceful gesture  
  
"Stay your han.......axe Gimli. Boromir didn't mean it," he turned to Boromir and gave him a look that said 'apologise or you're not getting any tonight buster', "did you Boromir?"  
  
Boromir looked at Gimli then at Aragorn, gulped and mumbled an "I'm sorry" and retreated to the other side of the group  
  
Gimli meanwhile was trying to calm the sobbing elf.  
  
"There, there little one, I won't let anyone hurt you," he soothed, hugging the elf close. Legolas looked up at the dwarf holding him and sniffed, rubbing his nose on his sleeve.  
  
"Don't do that little one," scolded the dwarf gently, while wiping the elf's nose with his spare pocket-handkerchief.  
  
Legolas snuggled into his beard and started sucking his thumb again, then he offered it to Gimli.  
  
"Um........no thanks, you keep it," grimaced the dwarf.  
  
Legolas shrugged and put the thumb back in his mouth (A/N: He's beginning to make a habit of that)  
  
"How long until we get to Lothlorien?" Asked a slightly out of breath Sam.  
  
"Two days," replied Aragorn, while scanning the area ahead for Orcs.

* * *

Meanwhile back at Isengard, the Orcs still hadn't left yet.  
  
Saruman came down the stairs in search for more ice cream and some tissues only to find that the Orcs haven't gone, but were instead sitting around a table, stuffing their faces with HIS ice cream.  
  
"YOU IDIOTS, GET GOING!!!!!!!!" Boomed the red faced good wizard gone bad (A/N: BAD WIZARD BAD hits him with a rolled up newspaper)  
  
The Orcs grumbled and got their Wargs ready to leave.  
  
"And make haste," Saruman called after them as they left, "don't come back until you have destroyed that chicken...(A/N: Sorry wrong movie again).....elf......oh and get the ring as a bonus!" In the background a black blur can be seen nicking all the ice cream. (Hiei: SWEET SNOW m-c: Hiei get out of this fic)

* * *

The fellowship were settling down for the night. Pippin was on first watch, munching an apple 'need to keep my strength up' was his excuse.  
  
While getting ready to sleep, Gimli's family amulet slipped out from under his tunic, Legolas stopped babbling baby talk and stared at it.  
  
"Pwetty," he said, pointing at it.  
  
"Do you like it, little one?" Asked the dwarf, taking off the amulet and letting Legolas get a closer look at it. It was made of Mithril, which shone as bright as the sun and in the centre of the family crest was a stone of the deepest amethyst. The light reflected off of Legolas' golden hair and made it shine brighter than any gem in middle earth.  
  
Gimli was enchanted by it and without thinking started stroking the small elf's hair, which ran between his fingers like silk. (A/N: Oh god, I've been hanging out with elves too much) Legolas was still staring at the amulet (A/N: Ooooooooo shiny), but leaned into the dwarf's touch.  
  
A 'thump' of Pippin falling asleep and toppling off his log snapped Gimli out of his trance and he quickly stopped his hand. And looked around to make sure no one saw.  
  
"If you like it, you can keep it if you want," he said hanging it round the baby's neck, "there, nearly as beautiful as you."  
  
Legolas smiled with delight and the light that always seemed to glow around him brightened more than it ever had before and was caught by the amulet now hanging round his neck, nearly blinding his dwarven babysitter.  
  
"I'm hungry," complained Pippin the next morning after walking for half an hour.  
  
"You've just had 2nd breakfast," said Aragorn, starting to get annoyed 'same thing everyday, I'm hungry, my feet hurt, I have to go to the little hobbits room,' thought the miffed ranger. After a few more complaints and getting ignored, Pippin gave up and went over to Gimli.  
  
"Can I play with Legolas?" He asked.  
  
Gimli looked doubtful, but Legolas just giggled and held his arms out to the hobbit.  
  
"Ok, but be careful with him," sighed the dwarf, reluctantly handling the baby to Pippin.  
  
"YAY!!!!!!" cheered Pippin, "we're going to have soooooo much fun!"  
  
5 minutes later found Pippin playing peeka boo with the elf.  
  
"Where's Leggy, where's Leggy?" Cooed the hobbit, with his hands covering his eyes, while Legolas sat in his lap giggling.  
  
"There he is!" Cried the young took, taking his hands from his eyes and started tickling the bundle of elven giggles in his lap.  
  
Suddenly Legolas stopped giggling and looked intently at the row of trees to the side of the trail they were following.  
  
"What's up Leggy?" asked Pippin concerned.  
  
"Yrch," whimpered the elf while pointing towards the trees.  
  
Hearing the elf's whimper, Gimli came rushing over from where he was keeping a close eye on the two while trying not to look worried.  
  
"What have you done to him now, master Pippin?"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, you"  
  
"I didn't do anything, I think he senses Orcs in those trees over there."  
  
As if on cue Orcs and Wargs burst out of the bushes, brandishing jagged swords.  
  
"Give us the elf," demanded the lead Orc, he thought for a bit then added, "and the ring and make it snappy Orcenders (A/N: I think they all look like Orcs on the show.......no offence to all the Eastender fans out there under breath not that there's many) is on soon." This got him some weird looks from the rest of the Orcs and the fellowship, he blushed, "Hehehehe, did I say that out loud?" There were nods all round.  
  
"Oh.......CHARGE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The fellowship formed a circle around Legolas and Frodo. Legolas was sobbing while Frodo was trying to comfort him. The number of Orcs and Wargs seemed endless, the fellowship was starting to tire, they were about to give up hope when an Orc fell dead with an elven arrow buried in it's skull. (A/N: Muaahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahha Blood, blood, blood!!!Clears throat I'm not morbid) More and more Orcs and Wargs fell dead, felled by elven arrows. Soon all of them either lay dead or had run away only to find death in the trees. (A/N: No really they did find death, didn't they death D: I am Deathhhhhhhhhhhh.....got an custard? m-c: no and don't think I don't know who drank all the vanilla coke)  
  
A tall blonde elf appeared from the cover of the trees.  
  
"Who are you and what business do you have in Lothlorien?"  
  
Aragorn stepped forward, "We are on a mission for Lord Elrond."  
  
"Mae govannen, mellyn," (Well met, friends) replied the elf, "I'm Haldir, my brothers Rumil, Orophin and I parole the borders of this wood."  
  
His sharp elven eyes caught sight of the young elf in Gimli's arms, a slight smile graced his fair face and he walked over.  
  
"And who's this?" He asked, kneeling down and stroking Legolas' hair.  
  
"His names Legolas," replied Gimli, feeling jealous at the look of contentment Legolas had while the other elf stoked his hair.  
  
"I used to know a Legolas, he was the prince of Mirkwood," mused Haldir, 'he looks just like him,' he thought, looking at Legolas closer.  
  
"He is the prince of Mirkwood," piped up Pip and Merry together.  
  
"So that's why he looks so familiar," exclaimed Haldir, "how did he come to be like this?"  
  
"Saruman," the name came out in a growl from Gimli, anger sparked in his eyes. Sensing his anger, Legolas whimpered, thinking it was directed at him.  
  
"Shhhh little one, it's not you I'm angry at," all the anger was gone as he tickled the little elf's side. Legolas forgot his unhappiness and giggled.  
  
"Well if you come this way, we will lead you to the Lady," said Haldir, standing up and leading the way.  
  
Legolas yawned and nuzzled into the crock of Gimli's neck and fell asleep.  
  
After about an hour, Haldir stopped, "I'm afraid we're going to have to blindfold the dwarf from this point."  
  
"WHAT?!" this jerked Legolas awake.  
  
"Gimmie, angry?" He asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"No little one I'm not angry," sighed Gimli, reluctantly putting on the blindfold (so whipped).  
  
They stopped for the day (mostly because the hobbits needed feeding) after 5 hours of walking. Gimli was still wearing the blindfold (well it was a sleep mask since Haldir didn't have any clean blindfolds handy) and Legolas was taking great delight in pinging it.  
  
PING "Ow, quit it"

Giggle, PING "Ow, quit it"

More giggles, PING "Ow, quit it"

More giggles, PING, PING "Ow, ow, quit it"

Even more giggles, P........ Aragorn stepped in at that moment and stopped the ping.  
  
Gimli could almost hear the pout in Legolas' voice "No fair"  
  
"Bloody elves," muttered the dwarf and got a swift kick in the chin as an answer.  
  
The next day, they set off again and after 6 hours of none stop walking (not including the sight seeing detours, 7 food and tea breaks and a few long naps) found themselves at Caras Galadhon.  
  
Lady Gobalot.........I mean Galadriel came out to meet them.  
  
"I hope Haldir has guided you well, he has a awful habit of blindfolding people then dunking them in swamps"  
  
Haldir blushed and started to edge away.  
  
(A/N: _This means speaking mind to mind_)  
  
_Frodo.................ringbearer.................your shoelaces are untied_ He looked down and she flipped his nose. Haha made you look And during all of this she still looked wise, kind and queenly.  
  
_Aragorn son of some prat.....................wash your hair............eck_ Aragorn looked uncomfortable and kept touching his hair.  
  
_Sam..................**sings** smelly Sam, smelly Sam, what are they feeding you_ Sam looked at his feet and sniffed pathetically.  
  
_Boromir..................get a grip will you, it's pathetic_ Boromir burst into tears (A/N: Baby)  
  
_Gimli son of Groin..........I have foreseen that you will want some of my hair............get lost you little hairball  
_  
_Pippin.....................you're a klutz, that's all there is to say_  
  
Both Gimli and Pippin looked very downcast to say the least.  
  
_Merry....................I know what you did last carrot season _Merry shifted from foot to foot looking guilty  
  
_Legolas............................some elven warrior you are I've seen bigger muscles on a toothpick_ The baby's eyes began to water then he burst into tears and hugged Gimli's beard.  
  
The wicked witch of the..........oops, Galadriel went over and picked him up acting all motherly, "there, there Legolas, I'll take good care of you," and so saying walked out the room, with Legolas looking over her shoulder, with his arms trying to grab hold of something, a look of utter terror on his face. He finally succeeded in grabbing hold of the doorframe and hung on for dear life.  
  
"Now, now Legolas, let go of the 2000 gold piece doorframe," she yanked him hard enough to make him lose his grip and disappeared with him out of the room.  
  
The others were all sniffing and trying not to start blubbering. "I....I.....'ll just go over here," each one stuttered at the same time and turned their backs to each other, sobbing noises could be clearly heard through out Lothlorien. No one gave a damn.  
  
End of part 5  
  
Sorry it was so sappy but it just gets worse from here I'm afraid heheheheh -. Please review.


	6. Pink and green spotted pantomime horses

  
  
**Part 6**  
  
4 depressing hours later (a few blood curdling screams from the direction where Galadriel and Legolas disappeared) everyone had managed to pull themselves together (just about with 1 or 2 exceptions) and were now stuffing their faces full of lembas, except Gimli who was too worried about Legolas to eat (the hobbits made sure nothing went to waste).  
  
The sound of a throat being cleared was heard behind them, they all winced, they knew that voice and they weren't ready to be mentally abused just at that moment.  
  
They all turned round to see Medusa...........I mean Galadriel (A/N: Have you guessed that I don't like her very much? ) standing in the doorway.  
  
"I've got someone to show you guys," she said cheerfully. She reached to the side, grabbed something and pulled.  
  
Legolas came stumbling out. He was wearing a silver ceremonial robe, which seemed to float around him. His hip length hair was washed and shining and was braided back showing his delicately pointed ears. He seemed to shine even brighter than Galadriel, who was trying not to look jealous.  
  
Everyone gasped in awe at the picture of beauty before them. Legolas gave them all a small, shy smile.  
  
"Wow," blundered out Pippin, "I've forgotten what you looked like as an adult."  
  
The elf just gave a quiet chuckle, looking fondly at the young hobbit, who had a Lemba sticking out of his mouth.  
  
"Cleaned up pretty good didn't he," said Galadriel smugly.  
  
"You're going to have to tell me what happened because I can't remember," Legolas said apologetically.  
  
"So you don't remember that Gim.....," started Pippin before the dwarf clapped his hand over his mouth, stopping him from finishing the sentence.  
  
"Did what?" Asked Legolas, narrowing his eyes at Pippin and Gimli.  
  
"Nothing elf," Gimli replied hurriedly.  
  
Said elf glared suspiciously at him for a moment, he was about to ask more when Haldir came out of nowhere and hugged him, "Legs, I see you're back to normal."  
  
"Hi, Hal. How've you been?" Replied Legolas, ignoring Gimli all together.  
  
"Fine, fine, do you want to go for a walk and catch up?" The tall elf asked, putting his arm around Legolas' shoulders.  
  
"Sure"  
  
They walked off into the trees, Gimli watched them and tried to control his jealousy. The rest of the fellowship exchanged knowing looks over his head (those who were tall enough at least).

* * *

_Flashback_  
  
Galadriel carried a still struggling Legolas in her arms, "what do you think I'll do to you? Why all the struggling, is there something on my face?"  
  
After calming Legolas down (which involved a quite amusing sock puppet show) she got Rumil and Orophin to each take hold of Legolas' legs and arms.  
  
"Ok, stretch him"  
  
"What?!" They both gaped at her in shock.  
  
"Don't question your queen!!!!!!!!"  
  
"But that's child abuse and it won't work," argued Rumil, his brother nodded in agreement.  
  
"Fine, onto my next idea," Legolas by this time was looking quite......well.....terrified.  
  
"Hang him upside down"  
  
"My dear, I don't think that will work other than making him pass out," reasoned Celeborn, feeling sorry for the poor child.  
  
Galadriel looked a bit miffed at her ideas all being put down, "Fine.......how about stilts?"  
  
Celeborn shook his head, "too heavy."  
  
_End flashback  
_  
Legolas looked at the fellowship, who were all cringing in sympathy. He seemed quite reluctant to continue, he started twisting a lock of his hair. (A/N: You may be wondering why he can remember this but nothing before that.....well...I can't be assed to come up with a reason so deal with it)  
  
"Well elf spit it out, what did she do next?" Shouted Gimli, unable to take the silence anymore and trying to cover his anger at the bitch....I mean witch (A/N: Witches are good ) for doing these things to his elf 'my elf? When the hell did he become my elf?'  
  
Legolas, who visibly wiltered at the anger coming off of the dwarf, carried on while fiddling with something through the material of his robe. (A/N: It's not something dirty if that's what you're thinking)  
  
"She tried watering me but then she remembered that it only works with plants"  
  
_Continue flashback  
_  
Galadriel threw the watering can at Orophin, turned round, tripping over a huge book and landed sprawled on the floor in a very un-lady like position.  
  
"What the hell?" She bellowed picking up the book, glancing at the title then threw it to the side, "Wait a cotton picking minute," she picked it up again the title read 'Counter spells for age charms' Inside the cover was a Harry Potter sticker, which read 'Property of Saruman the (crossed out: White) Many pwetty colours'  
  
"Whoops, forgot to give this back," she said before it finally sank into her tiny bimbo brain (A/N: No offence to blondes, some of my best friends are bim...I mean blondes), "Oooohhhhhhh I get it," Legolas looked relieved, "you can stand on it!"  
  
Legolas gave her a look, which screamed 'you got to be kidding, right?'  
  
"What?" She wined; Celeborn whispered something in her ear.  
  
"Ohhhhh, use one of the spells, thanks honey," she gave him a kiss on the cheek and patted him on the head.  
  
"GFCCJGVGYGBTDYFYBYIMFUFUYFFVUGRUFFEVILHGFVFBFHBHGYDGFHGALADRIELGUGUGUYGJBG" (A/N: This may look like just random letters I typed up and to tell the truth most of it is, but there is a hidden message, which will test your endurance to the very brink.......if not don't worry about it, it's shit anyway)  
  
There was a pop, a load of fake smoke affects and Legolas was.........a pink and green spotted pantomime horse.  
  
"That can't be right," she muttered, looking at the spell again, "ok, let me try again"  
  
It took several tries, which turned Legolas into a hobbit, a whale, a DWARF and a Chinese ceremonial dragon, but in the end he was an adult elf again (A/N: YAY!!!!)  
  
Legolas' voice over: Um guys? Are you listening?  
  
_End flashback_  
  
"Yay, I'm a shit head (A/N: I love that game)," shouted Frodo.  
  
"Huh?" Legolas was looked round to find the rest of the fellowship (excluding Gimli) were playing cards.  
  
"You haven't been listening to word I've been saying, have you?"  
  
"That's nice," mumbled Aragorn, looking at his cards (he was losing).  
  
The fair elf sighed, held up his arms in defeat and went to have a bath. Nobody noticed except Gimli, who went to follow him, but a big Monty Python foot appeared and trod on him.  
  
"Don't even think about it buster!!!" Boomed the all knowing, all seeing, all thinking, all........well you get the point, author.  
  
An hour later Legolas came back, wearing only a long shirt, showing his smooth flawless skin and shapely legs (A/N: Slaps self DOWN GIRL!!).......well the temperature certainly went up to say the least. Until he put on a clean robe (DAMN).  
  
Gimli was still staring dumbly at Legolas, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water until Pippin closed it.  
  
"You're beginning to drool," he whispered, of course Legolas heard this, but gave no indication except a slight smile.  
  
Gimli mumbled about going for a walk and rushed off, Legolas watched him leave from under his long eyelashes and looked as if to follow him before thinking better of it.

* * *

The next day Legolas and Gimli were walking through the woods, seeing the sights of Lothlorien.  
  
"Have you started to remember anything from when you were a baby yet, Legolas?"  
  
"Well......I remember....uh...something, but I'm not quite sure what it is yet," the elf replied uncertainly, he looked away and so missed the look of sadness that passed over Gimli's face  
  
"Maybe if you tell me something, it might jog my memory," suggested Legolas  
  
"Ummm...........well.......uh," stuttered the dwarf  
  
Legolas laughed lightly before jesting, "I knew that dwarves have an awful memory, but surly you can remember something"  
  
"Uh.....chicken wings?"  
  
"Huh?" The blonde elf stared down at the dwarf bewildered  
  
"Nevermind," Gimli mumbled 'oh smooth move Gimli' he berated himself mentally.  
  
"I remember being warm," Legolas mumbled with a far away look in his eyes, he fiddled with something hanging round his neck.  
  
"Oh that reminds me," he said, snapping out of his daydream, "do you know where I got this from?" He asked, motioning to the amulet hanging over his heart.  
  
"No idea," lied Gimli  
  
"Oh," he looked slightly disappointed, seeing this Gimli started, "Well maybe I do recognise it from somewhahhhrrrrggggg," at that moment Haldir had dropped by (literally) right on top of Gimli.  
  
"HALDIR?!" Cried Legolas, pulling Haldir off of the dwarf, then helped a stunned Gimli to his feet, before turning on the sheepish elf behind him.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!" He raged, 'Why do I feel so angry?' He thought before looking to his fellow elf for an answer.  
  
Haldir tried to act innocent, "um.....must have slipped.......from the tree, which just happened to be above the dwarf, what a funny coincidence ha ha ha," he laughed weakly.  
  
"And what pray tell were you doing up there, Hal?" Legolas asked, looking like he was scolding a little child, who had put mud on his pillow. (A/N: I DIDN'T DO IT!! Really smiles innocently)  
  
"Looking at the view"  
  
"But there's only trees for miles around"  
  
"Ah but my dear little greenleaf, you've forgot the leaves and bark........and....um....other interesting tree stuff" (A/N: What's that deafening noise? Oh yeah it's you digging yourself in deeper, Hal-chan)  
  
"And of course the most beautiful view of all is you," he added quickly, handing a blushing Legolas a rose (A/N: Nice save. Kurama: He nicked my rose! M-C: Well you're lover stole all the ice cream and get out of this fic!)  
  
Gimli got a lovesick puppy face and tried frantically to think of something to do. 'How can I compete with an elf like Haldir?' He thought forlornly. 'Come on think of something.....anything just do it!' And so thinking, he rammed the handle of his axe into his....um.....tender area, he groaned in pain, 'that's NOT what I had in mind,' and collapsed.  
  
End of part 6  
  
M-c: winces Ow I almost feel sorry for writing that......ALMOST. 


	7. Misunderstandings

**Part 7**  
  
When he came around, the first thing he saw was Legolas' anxious face looking down at him. The first thing he heard was.....  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING YOU STUPID DWARF?! YOU NEARLY SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH!!!!!"  
  
"Really?" He asked hopefully, then thought about what he just said and added, "It was an accident, I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry."  
  
Legolas calmed down a bit after that but still carried on fussing over him 'does it hurt?' 'Can you walk?' That kind of thing. Gimli was quite enjoying himself, the elf even offered to carry him.  
  
"No, no, I'm fine, really," he said, getting up and looking around for Haldir, but he wasn't anywhere in sight.  
  
"Where did the snob......I mean Haldir go?"  
  
"Oh him, I don't know, I didn't notice him leave," replied Legolas distractedly, still checking Gimli for injuries. Gimli tried not to look TOO smug.

* * *

Back at the ranch.......pavilion, the fellowship watched in amusement while Legolas fussed over Gimli, fluffing his pillows and fetching him anything he asked for.  
  
"Here you must be cold, have my cloak."  
  
"No, that's fine, but I am a bit thirsty though."  
  
"Oh, I'll get you something," with this the elf zoomed off like only an elf can and came back with a tray full of different drinks.  
  
"I didn't know what you would want so I got you everything they had."  
  
"It's all right, I just want some cold water."  
  
"I'll get you some ice cubes," before Gimli could speak, he was gone.  
  
'I could get used to this,' thought the pampered dwarf, sighing in contentment.  
  
After a few more hours of this, Gimli was getting fed up of being asked if he wanted anything every 5 seconds, not to mention just a little guilty.  
  
'The back rub was nice though,' he thought, fingering his newly braided beard.  
  
For the 5th time, Legolas asked him if he wanted a foot rub, he couldn't take it anymore, "why don't you go get my axe so I can chop off that pretty head of yours."  
  
"Ok, I'll just go get it," for the hundredth time Legolas zoomed off.  
  
"Oh Mahal, what have I done?" The dwarf groaned in despair.  
  
Legolas popped up out of nowhere and asked, "Did you say my head was pretty?"  
  
"Uh................no," Gimli replied none too convincingly.  
  
"Oh," he ran off again and returned with Gimli's axe.  
  
Gimli cracked.  
  
"I did it on purpose!!!" He yelled, causing all the birds in the trees to fly away.  
  
Legolas blinked at him for a few seconds and then got just a bit miffed.  
  
"WHAT?!!!" He bellowed, very unelf like, raising the axe. "You mean all this time....." He hissed, unable to finish then stormed off into the trees mumbling something about washing the filth away and finding his dignity.  
  
"You've really done it this time gimpy," sneered Haldir from behind the dwarf, "he'll hate you for the rest of your life, I've always been his favourite, he'll be mine, you'll see, I'll show all of .....," he was interrupted when he walked smack bang into a tree.  
  
He cleared his throat and acted like nothing happened, then walked into the trees after a fuming Legolas.  
  
"I'll get him one of these nights," vowed Gimli under his breath.

* * *

The next night the nine walkers were sitting round the table eating their evening meal, Legolas ignoring Gimli's existence, when Haldir came storming in.  
  
"Legolas!! Did you do this?!" The border guard fumed, pointing to his now bright green hair.  
  
Legolas took one look at this and burst out laughing, as did the rest of the fellowship.  
  
"This is no laughing matter, how could you do something like this Legolas?!" He accused.  
  
Legolas stopped laughing when he said this and with a hurt look on his face, asked," you think I did this? I thought you knew me better than that, I thought you cared about me!" While he talked he fiddled with the amulet, which he always kept round his neck.  
  
Haldir started to splutter an apology, Legolas suddenly grinned evilly, while sneaking a glance at Gimli out of the corner of his eye, went over to Haldir and kissed him on the cheek, "That's alright Hal-baby, take me for a walk?" He asked sweetly.  
  
With this he yanked the stunned Haldir's arm around his waist and dragged him along while saying, "Besides you look cute with green hair."  
  
Gimli by this time was nearly smoking at the ears.

* * *

Over the next few days, Gimli kept walking in on Haldir and Legolas in.....um......PRIVATE moments.  
  
The first was when he came across them while walking, to find Haldir pinning a giggling Legolas to a tree with his hand up the smaller elf's robe.  
  
The next was when Legolas was bending over to pick a flower when Haldir slapped him on the ass and Legolas groaned and asked him to do it again.  
  
Another time was when Gimli and Legolas were walking and Haldir jumped out of a tree, but this time landed on top of Legolas and they started making out at the dwarf's feet.  
  
After a few days of this Gimli was getting very depressed, that combined with every time Galadriel saw him she covered her hair protectively and ran away, was beginning to get him down.  
  
Legolas noticed this new-depressed state, suddenly feeling very guilty for causing it and went over to sit next to the despondent dwarf. Gimli tried to ignore him, but couldn't help looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He sat hugging his knees much like a child would, chewing his bottom lip.  
  
"Soooo..........nice weather we've been having," said Legolas in a pathetic try of making conversation. Gimli just grunted and went to get up, but then decided it was time he faced this problem.  
  
"Why are you bothering talking to me when you could be off with your wonderful Haldir?" This last bit was said sarcastically.  
  
"He's not wonderful," Legolas tried. Gimli just looked at him as if he had gone mad.  
  
"No, really, he isn't, anyway he's not really my type."  
  
"And what is your type?" Asked Gimli, not expecting an answer.  
  
"You," breathed Legolas, moving closer to him.  
  
"Really?" Asked the dwarf sceptically.  
  
"Really," Legolas replied softly, laying his head on Gimli's broad shoulder and started to nuzzle his neck, purring.  
  
"Uh......what do we do now?"  
  
"This," with this Legolas leaned over and pressed his lips to the dwarf's. Gimli was too shocked to move for a few seconds, then he growled and pulled Legolas down to the ground, turning them over so the elf lay underneath him.  
  
End of part 7  
  
Warning the next part is graphic so it will be posted on another site, i'll tell you the link once i've posted it. Be gentle with me it's the first sex scene I've written. 


	8. The last chapter

Hi its michi chan here, thanks for all the reviews they were great . I've just finished typing up the last chapter and because it is too graphic for this site you will have to go to slashfiction (net) and search for michi chan.

If it doesn't work please e-mail me and I'll send another.

Answers to reviews:

**Shaman Queen Asheylin** : Hi! Thanks for the review. Didn't I say it was going to be slash? And yes I do know what shonen ai is, I'm always reading it . I'm sooooooo happy to find someone else that is like me and has no life . Hope you enjoy the last chapter, ja ne.

**Baby devil**: Cool name! I'm glad you've enjoyed the fic and I hope you like the last chapter. Thanks for putting me on your fave authors list .

**Devilburns**: Yet another cool name. Well you don't have to wait any longer, just follow the link.

**Renee**: Yes I did nick that bit, shhh don't tell Disney .

**montypythonfan2002**: Cool you're an original reader, I did make a few tiny changes to the first few chapters, I hope you enjoy the last chapter, and thanks for waiting so long. P.s. you DO know that you reviewed the same comment twice don't you?

**The Balrog of Altena**: Wow are you a relative of 'Bob'?


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